The Fatherhood Race Gap

Gerne verlinke ich auf Texte der amerikanischen Männer- und Väterrechtsbewegung, weil diese vielfältiger und fortgeschrittener ist, als die deutsche.

Alan B, der Autor von Spearhead Blog entwickelt in diesem Kommentar ein Bild, von den Strategien der Unterklassenmutti im Vergleich zu den Strategien der Mittelklassemutti, wenn es darum geht, Resourcen aus dem Ex-Mann und Vater der Kinder zu ziehen.

Deutlich wird dabei, welche Rolle das Sozialsystem bei der Strategiewahl der Frau spielt.


Der Text wurde unverändert aus dem Kommentarbereich von Guccy Little Piggy übernommen:

Quelle: Alan B

AlanB 01/17/2014 at 4:58 pm

Slow day at work, diarrhea of the brain, apologies for going off in diff directions but im a little excited with this subject because HERE IS MY BACKSTORY… i am brutaly honest.

I grew up poor on welfare with a single mom and older bro/sis (dad died when i was four, heart attack, not a deadbeat asshole or criminal, just shit luck). i stomped around all over nyc and the boroughs in my semi-wild youth, we didnt live in the projects (back in the 70s you could still get a rent controlled apartment), it wasnt paradise, but it wasnt the ghetto. i would call it a lower-working-class area. i had friends on both sides of the tracks and i messed around on both sides equally.

I started working at 15 and never looked back. I married young, had 3 kids and divorced in NYC. Still paying CP to my ex-wife who cheated, was re-married and re-divorced and still not working. Since we were not married legally for very long, i escaped with no alimony (i used this tactic as well in my second marriage. together for 10, married for 2).
I imagine when CP stops she will commit suicide if she cant get someone to subsidize her. she’s always threatened it, but i will say against all odd my ex-wife has always managed to survive. i wish her no ill will, but that fucking cunt destroyed my family.

Anyhow, I do happen to be re-married, re-childed and live in a nice middle class suburb in NJ now. Before i re-married, i did the whole cohbitation thing while i worked (and made decent $$ and paid out well over 50% of my paycheck JUST for child support/taxes) so i kept my girlfriend on welfare (she was on it when i met her, and yes she had a child out of wedlock with a charismatic deadbeat douchebag that women seemed to LOVE) so she can have some spending money and have her medical expenses covered. The food assistance didnt hurt either. Because i was “middle class” i was a tad nervous “cheating” the system and wouldnt let her really go ham and try to get every little thing she could, but because i grew up poor, and have been working for less than 50% of my paycheck, i also didnt give THAT much of a shit either, the worst that could happen is we move back to lowerclass hood. we went for it.

We settled for SNAP (food stamps), and medicaid. The welfare office would NOT let her leave without giving her about $150 in cash assistance as well (yes, because she had a child they gave her much leeway). Not counting medicaid, i venture to say her monthly take was approx $600 a month. $450 snap, 150 cash. I was going to push for section 8, but there was a 4 year waiting list. At that time iirc, in NYC section 8 would only let you move into certain areas of nyc which i was NOT moving into. Several years later, section 8 went national, and i regret not making her sign up for it and just waiting it out. i could be living in a 5 bedroom house anywhere in the country right now for 30% of the going rate.
I had been with my girlfriend for about 8 years before we got married in 2012. Welfare was a pain in the ass with all the re-certifications and shit, but to be honest, there are SO SO SO many poor people flooding the system that unless you were ridiculously obvious about your scam, all you needed was the time and patience to sit in an office in a shit area with nasty shitty people for a few hours to get $600 a month tax free for a 6mos to a year.

Oh by the way… I dont care what your govt/academia studies show. EVERYONE SCAMS THE SYSTEM or at least tries to. its not like they will put you in jail. (keep the you wont go to jail thing in mind.. i use it later). i’ll be honest too, had my girlfriend been able to use a different address for her welfare shit, then yes i would have made her try to get every teeny tiny little fucking benefit available, but because she lived with me, i wasnt gonna chance it.

i have custody of 2 of my original 3, the 3rd wont leave her mom since mom has threatened to kill herself but she turns 18 next year, the clock is winding down. Of course, even with me having custody of my 2 boys (after she ruined them for 7 years) the courts did me a favor and lowered my support by $100. Oh, how much do i pay my non-working, 1 child, re-divorced ex-wife? $1968 a month. I get $984 garnished from my paycheck every 2 weeks. I must be rich to be paying that kinda money right? i mean the famous rapper 50cent only pays about $4000 a month for his child, and he’s worth dozens of million. Well, i pay my ex-wife $1968 and my take-home pay for the month is a hair over $3000. my paycheck may seem big, but when you live in a middle class area in the northeast, it aint much. Im not crying, im not complaining but am i bitter about it.. you’re fucking right i am.. but i digress.. you can read a bit about my childsupport drama on the-spearhead.com its in the archives somewhere..
anyhow, i tell you all this cause ’tis a slow work day and i want you guys to see where im coming from. There is a lot of cognitive dissonance in this area because many people read these “studies” as if they are a legitimate barometer of what goes on in our society. i’m trying to post from both sides of the fence using my life experiences as an example. again, i paint with very BROAD strokes. i like using all inclusive words. dont be childish and use your good common sense to understand what i mean. im not an accomplished writer, blogger and my thoughts are all over the place, so if u have a question, ask, i’ll answer almost anything honestly. if you flame me, eh, whatever, you’re just some words on the interwebs..

so we begin…

somewhat in response to JZ
i come to that conclusion that the custodian of the child, overwhelmingly ~90% its the mother, are the total gatekeepers of visitation.

Most police are loathe to get in the middle of a custody issue when the non-custodian parent comes for a pickup. Most NCs dont carry their visitation paperwork with them, and even if they did, the cops arent lawyers, they dont give a shit. They will tell you to call your lawyer because you have a CIVIL problem, but you better get the fuck off your ex-wife’s property that you are still paying for, because trespassing/stalking/DV/IPV/abuse/etc us criminal and THAT they can do something about!

Plus your ex-wife is kinda hot, so they might hang out a bit and chat her up and see if maybe they can get a blowjob or something since they just “saved” her.

In the urban environments i grew up in, the never married fathers, were also NEVER LISTED on the birth cert. The name listing on the BC enables or disables many laws that may be (dis)advantageous to the parenting parties.
Remember, if you put a daddy’s name on that BC, you MIGHT not get your welfare, snap, project housing, medicaid, section 8, etc etc etc. And just because you DO get welfare, doesn’t mean you’re gonna keep it. You have to re-certify whenever you get a letter, sometimes they cut your benefits for “a mistake”. You get a difference case worker every time, and TODAY might be the day that your benefits get cut cause there is a daddy named on the BC and the case worker wants to be a cunt.
Of course, you cant forget if you DO get married in the first place, you sure as FUCK aint getting ANYTHING from welfare, unless you got a hookup in the welfare offices. LOTS of people got hookups in the welfare office
–
For those that dont know, the people that staff the welfare offices for the most part are the same people that are on welfare, related to people on welfare or would fucking BE ON WELFARE if they weren’t staffing the welfare office themselves. Yes, they often “hook” people up with benefits. they will also be racist against other poor people. If it didnt hurt to see it, It would almost be comical watching a 200 pound angry black woman working at the welfare office deride an illegal mexican mother with her 4 anchor babies next to her because “welfare in NYC is for BLACK PEOPLE, you stupid fucking illegal spic cunt”. Yes these words are verbatim. It was almost funny watching the black security guard laugh at that statement, then take 3 steps closer to welfare worker to make sure the tiny little mexican lady didnt try to attack her for saying that. Of course, the lady was pretending she didnt speak english so she could play the sympathy card and therefore pretended she didnt understand what the black lady was screaming about. (i speak spanish, so i know what her game was, i heard her talking to her “hubfriend” on her iphone.
It was almost funny except that my GF was next and she is not black. but has a latino last name. she is as american as i am and by lineage whiter than i am. At that point, i understood why all the men stayed outside the welfare office. I too went to stand in front of the building. My GF got the same verbal treatment from bubbaquesha, but she did get her benefits.
–
i would wager that over 85% of all project housing leases are in female names with no adult males named at all (as the younger males get arrested, or hit the age of majority, many of them are removed from the lease as the NYCHA has rules against felons living the PJs). I would wager that SECTION 8 which requires someone to be pulling a paycheck is also majority only a woman on the lease. I’ve stomped around in nyc projects my whole life.. i promise you its not an 85:1 female male ratio (there are significantly more females tho). The men are there… they are not named.
** i will admit i’m pulling these figure from deep within my colon, its all anecdotal, but i’d still place that bet…**
–
So what you have is a HUGE incentive on the part of the lower-class woman to NOT get married, NOT name the father, but NOT necessarily remove him from the house (right away).

But what DOES happen is that welfare is not enough (after she shits out 2 more kids), and the woman eventually nags the man to go get off his ass and get a job (cause she is already “working” by being on welfare). If the man cannot/will not, he is removed via police/court involvement (DV/restraining orders), CPS (false (or not) child molestation/abuse, Violence (there aint too many “SINGLE” baby mommas in the hood, her next baby daddy will remove the first one). It doesnt matter to the woman, because she is already getting paid and will NOT suffer a financial loss in removing the man. She will not suffer a physical loss as she can snap her fingers and make more men appear. The woman is in complete control of the entire housing situation and by extension the visitation situation as well.
If however the man does get off his ass and go get a 9-5, that leaves the woman at home alone,
where she used to have the company & attention of her man 24/7. What does a lower-class woman do when she’s all alone and used to getting some dick/companionship/attention anytime she wants.. hmmmmmm (thats where the other 2-8 kids come from) (yes, the flip is also true, i am not saying the men are saints…) and then the man must leave anyway lest he become the den father for the all the area men.
But, if the couple gets along, and they accept their station in life, the woman receives her governmental support, well, the ONLY thing the baby daddy needs to do in life is be… A DADDY. He need not work, He need not be drug free, he need not be married or monogamous with the baby momma, he need not live with his babymomma or spawn, he needs only show the slightest fatherly respect towards his children to receive “the praise of all the hood rats”.. “he such a good dad”, “he plays with his kids”, etc etc .. So much praise, that the guy starts believing that even tho he is smoking weed all day and playing x-box, that if he picks his kid up from school 1x a week, he is a GREAT FATHER.. (that said, relative to A LOT of those jerk-off lower-class dads, he IS a great dad).
As you can see though, other than the removal of the man in 2 instances, there is no involvement of police, law, cps, friends of the court, child psychiatrists, NOTHING (that the law says matters to the best interest of the child) that will get in the way of any future relationships between that man and his children. the ONLY thing in his way is the mother, and if he is dicking her down really good, playing the right head games with her, or actually being THAT DAD, she will ALWAYS allow him access in some form. The reason she can allow access is that she STILL has the option of utilizing LAW and VIOLENCE to control the man, the difference btween low and middle class is that middle class utilizes LAW from the step 1 and low class only reserves the option.
The actual value of the father comes from the mother hens (the older community women) clucking that he is a good dad cause he picked his kid up last Monday. And let me tell you, there is NOT alot to be proud of or happy about if you are living in the projects. not a fucking thing, least of all the MEN. So, if the neighborhood queens are crowing about how fucking amazing your man is. You as the mother of HIS CHILD (see the diff, good man, HIS child) will allow him as much access as necessary so that you can continue to be the center of GOOD attention in the hood. And by extension, if he is a good DAD, he must be a good “husband” (quotes cause they aint married) and therefore she will STILL have sex with him and maintain a relationship with him regardless of where he lives or who else he is fucking (and he with her, regardless of the same). Its not about him, its not about the kid, its about the attention/envy/admiration she receives for BEING ABLE TO HOLD ONTO HIM IN ANY MANNER. The fact that she is able to HOLD ONTO THAT GOOD MAN regardless of the situation is a testament to her strength as a woman (that how the woman thinks about it) and will eventually lead to her being one of the strong respected matriarchs of that community.
–
–
As for Mr. & Mrs. Middle class, The reason they are Mr & Mrs. other than the conditioning of get married, buy a big cave, have a baby for the last billion years, is that just like bbymoma/dada, there is a financial gain for them. You see, BBM cant put BBD on the BC because she needs her welfare/medicaid/social safety net. that is her JOB.
MCM and MCD HAVE to get married to get those sweet sweet tax breaks/employer health insurance. I gather that for the last 30-40 years, its been more for the medical than for the tax breaks.
The difference we have is that in order to remove a man from the middle class household, POLICE/LAW MUST BE USED. Mrs Middle class, cant call her brother, father, new boyfriend to remove her husband because THEY TO are middle class, and the only thing the middle class DOESN’T want is to be LOWER CLASS, so they respond very well to the rule of law. Her middle-class relatives will not be violent to the husband. If she does have a crazy uncle, black-sheep brother, well, then hubby better watch out..
MCM cannot NAG the man into leaving, as that would cost him financially. So he will work late, go out drinking, cheat, but he wont leave.
If she cries child abuse/DV, the man may land in prison or lose his licenses and SHE would lose financially (remember she doesnt want to be lower-class either). The woman WILL cry DV/ABUSE if the cash outlay is REALLY significant (RICH PEOPLE) or she has already secured another provider. At that point she has ZERO loyalty to the ex and he can burn in hell or get ass raped in jail for the crime of HER not loving HIM anymore.
If she cheats and gets caught or publicly shames him, he may lose it and kill her, the kids, himself, etc.
So her only option is to divorce the man, and use the laws to secure her financial future. The queens in a middle class neighborhood dont care of the man is a GOOD DAD, because good dads are COMMON in middle-class hoods, That is the default.
The MC queens ONLY CARE FOR THE FINANCIAL VALUE a man brings. The middle class women play the same race as the middle-class men. You get points for how far you are in your career/money/position acquisition. Since you are already EXPECTED to be a good person/parent/husband, and all the other middle class women have awesome husbands, that doesnt factor in. You are a PAYCHECK a PROVIDER .
Contrast that to the ‘hood, where money is scarce, but women control all the legal money, the ONLY thing a hoodrat wants is a man of VALUE with a fat dick. She does not NEED a man of means, because she has her means, meager as they may be, she needs someone to care/protect/love her and her spawn because it is dangerous where she lives. While she may WANT the $$$$$$$, she understands she has no NEED for it, she NEEDS the GOOD man. She understands the CHILD is the way to keep/control/access the GOOD MAN. She allows what she considers to be the GOOD man access to HIS child so that she may continue to access that man for her purposes, whatever they may be (sex, respect, excitement. w/e.). The middle-class women that come from a default of “good men” NEEDS no good man, but she understands she cannot live her lifestyle on a gov’t handout and therefore she must attack her man, to extract from him what she does NEED which is MONEY. The middle class woman NEEDS money to stay in the middle class. If she can stay in the middle class, a GOOD man will come around because that is the norm in that area.
–
The law doesnt care for right/wrong or good/bad. The law changes very very slowly, if at all. The law is made and codified by people who do not live amongst the people that the law will immediately destroy. The LAW cares for one thing and one thing only. DID YOU BREAK IT. If you break it you must be punished. There can be no exception lest others in your class believe they too can get that exception.
If you break your visitation and the mother complains, you go to jail. If you dont pay child support you go to jail. If you walk to close to the house you lost in the divorce, you may go to jail. if if if… JAIL JAIL JAIL. So from the very SECOND the woman calls a lawyer/police to remove her husband, the MCD must immediately at that point and forever in the future follow very strict rules regarding the access he has to bloodline.
hey, you know what happens to middle class people that go to JAIL.. they dont often stay middle class. The middle class sheep follow the law, or they will become lower-class sheep. there are NO SHEEP IN THE LOWER-CLASS. THEY ARE WOLVES! This is why the middle class stay in-line. Sheep be scared of wolves cause wolves EAT SHEEP
Long winded, hopefully it makes some sense, if nothing else, i hope i at least make some of your evening commutes entertaining.. .